Perspective

Sometimes my perspective is all wrong. Sometimes it takes a 2x4 to the head, courtesy of God, to realize it. Sometimes it takes a gentle tap on the shoulder, to get my attention, and then a turning of my head, also courtesy of God, to help me see things with better perspective. Either way, the experience is humbling, and usually involves tears.

I've been having the shoulder-tapping-head-turning type of experience lately. I've not had the best perspective on things in my life for a little while now. Some of it is understandable, some of it has an explanation and some of it has been me not living a life that is enough like Christ. So since the beginning of this year, I've started reading the Bible, in a new format, with the goal of reading it in its entirety in one year. I'm hoping to see things in a new light, with new perspective, I guess you could say. I know the basic plot, the stories and even some things a bit more in depth, but a fresh perspective happens every time I re-read the Bible and that's what I need.

I've also been trying to take some time to be still and pray. Notice I didn't say "make some time" or "find some time". Those never seem to happen, so now it's time to take the time to pray...and be still. Wow, it's hard to just be still. Not in a physical sense, of course...that's simple. I can sit still. In fact, I've disciplined myself to be able to sit still for hours on a hard, backless piano bench and practice or perform, with good posture to boot. But to still myself, to still my body, my heart and my mind before God so that all the other stuff of life fades away and I can hear my Creator speak is hard, even after years of knowing Him. I can manage, sometimes to still my heart, to have peace deep inside and not worry, but stilling my mind is a big battle. There's always something else to think about, something else to worry about, something else to do. I have a feeling it will always be that way. Satan does his best to keep us too busy to be still, too busy to listen and too busy to hear God. And so sometimes, God has to yell to be heard.

I think He's been yelling and I was close to getting the 2x4 experience again. But maybe this time, in the nick of time, I was still just long enough to hear and maybe my perspective is changing.

I've been catching up on some old college acquaintances through their recently-discovered blogs. It's been fun to see them as husbands and wives and parents, but sometimes it's been humbling to read about some difficult turns their lives have taken. Then, I've also stumbled across total strangers who have written some of the most inspiring words out of their utter devestation. I never thought when I started blogging that it would be used by God, but it has. Reading the words of parents who have lost their precious children at much too young an age has reminded me anew how precious my own child is, because at the age of 2, sometimes you need reminding. Reading about the faith of people who are faced with tremendous, life-altering challenges has challenged me and again, humbled, me and reminded me that life can change in an instant and all that is left is clinging to my faith in God. It's a hard lesson and I've needed the reminder, but I've also needed the reminder of how blessed my life is right now. All the little stuff I've been worried about is unworthy of my time. I should be focused on the joy in my life and on living with joy, not worry and stress. It's time to focus on the blessings and the One who has blessed me and on building my relationship with Him.

And on listening to the One who speaks softly, so He doesn't have to yell to get my attention.