Emily's "Un-Cool" Mom

Sometimes, when I let my mind imagine what it will be like when my toddler is a teenager, I realize that my little Emily will have a very "un-cool" mom.

Let me explain. I am a conservative Republican. That, of course, makes me decidedly un-cool in this day and age, mom or not. Then consider that I am most definitely not a feminist. Dare I call myself "old-fashioned"? Yes, I think I dare. Again...very un-cool. Next, take into account that I am a Christian. Yes, a real fundamentalist (as in being-a-Christian-makes-me-live-differently), Bible-believing, church-going Christian. Could I possibly be more un-cool? Oh yes...I think I can.

I've never been stylish. By the time I decide I like a trend, it's usually on it's way out (or it I never do like it). I don't have anything resembling what the world would call a "cool" job. In fact, in most questionaires, my job as a mom isn't even listed or is referred to as "house-wife" or my personal favorite, "un-employed". (That one always makes me laugh.) I'm not a high-powered business executive. I don't make lots (or any) money. I don't drive a fancy car. I drive a Ford Windstar mini-van, and what's worse...I actually like it.

I don't carry a designer purse. Most days, I lug a purse big enough to carry a full-grown cat, plus a diaper bag and a 26-lb. toddler. Definitely very un-cool. I don't own any designer anything, unless you count a $175 pair of jeans that I found on clearance for $35 (that currently don't fit) and a set of Martha Stewart windchimes that I bought purely for their nice melodic sound.

In short, nothing about me is even close to what the world, and probably most of Emily's teenage friends, will consider cool. And you know what? That's okay with me.

No, I don't want to embarrass Emily, intentionally or otherwise. That's not my goal. But I do want to teach her that there is much more to life than being cool in the worlds' eyes. Despite knowing that I'm not cool, I'm pretty confident in who and what I am. I like myself. Sure, there's plenty of room for improvement and there always will be. Sure, there are days when I sort of envy the way those "cool" moms have all the latest, trendiest gear and look like perfect little Barbie-esque dolls, but at the end of the day, I'm happy with who I am. I like myself and that's a good feeling.

I want Emily to have that feeling too. I want to teach her that her self-worth doesn't come from things and other people, but from God. I want her to know that she has inherent worth and that she will always be loved, not only by her mom and dad and family, but by a gracious and loving Heavenly Father as well.

If I teach her this lesson well enough, she won't have to seek affection, attention and approval from friends and teenage boys with nothing more than sex on the brain. If I do my job properly, she will be confident enough in herself and love herself enough that she can say to those boys with raging hormones, "I'm worth waiting for." She'll be able to stand up to peer pressure and say, "I don't need to be a part of this harmful activity because I care too much about myself to do anything that will hurt me." She won't need to be a part of the "in-crowd" because she will know that there are people who truly love her and that one or two real friends are worth 100 acquaintances.

I will be "That" mom, who won't let Emily go to every party. In fact, I"ll be "The Mom" who calls other parents to let them know if their child is doing something harmful, because I would expect the same courtesy. I'll be the mom who is always involved in anything her child is doing. I'll be the "Classroom Mom" in her elementary school, the "Chaperone" mom on field-trips, the mom who knows all of her friends, the mom who provides snacks for whatever high-school activities she decides to be a part of. In short, I'll be around. I'll know her teachers, her friends, the school secretary...and they'll see and know me. I'm sure that will make me way "un-cool"...for a while.

I'll be the mom who sets rules and enforces them. I will tell Emily that there will be no pre-marital sex, no drinking, no drugs, no smoking, etc. I won't be one of those "cool", permissive, "let-Emily-decide-everything-for-herself" kind of moms. There's a time and place for letting her make her own mistakes, but as a teacher once told me, "You have to learn the rules before you can break them." I intend to teach her right and wrong and that there ARE absolute truths. When she is old enough to make her own decisions, I know I will have to let her learn to make them, but not without first teaching her the things she needs to know to make good, healthy and safe decisions. That's my job and I'm sure that there will be days when Emily will think that her mom is totally "un-cool". It's inevitable.

But I will do my job because I know that if I do it well (as my mom did with me) that someday, when she's over the "I-know-everything-because-I'm-a-teenager" phase, she will understand why I had to be so "un-cool".

And maybe, if I'm lucky, she'll think I'm pretty cool after all.