I'm Unbalanced

Or, for Seinfeld fans, "She's heightening!"

Yep, it's true. Yesterday I officially discovered what I have long suspected...I'm unbalanced.

I went to the Osteo-clinic at my doctor's office Friday morning and, since it is affiliated with a teaching hospital, I became the guinea pig. In an exam room the size of a typical clinic room, maybe 10x12, eight doctors, residents, attendings, DOs and assorted med students got to observe the freak of nature known as yours truly (with Miss Em in tow, of course). Thankfully, this was one exam that took place fully clothed (minus shoes) so it wasn't too embarassing. Thank goodness for small miracles.

So, I started with two oseopathic doctors (the DOs) and then, after their inital assessment, they invited the other 6 medical personel to observe/learn for the rest of the appointment. Basically, I stood, sat or laid down on the exam table and got poked, prodded and physically manipulated through a series of calisthenics, all for an audience. I still really don't know who was officially in charge, but I do know the official diagnosis for all my recent back and hip pain.

Apparently, in addition to hormones during pregnancy wreaking havoc, I have some sort of minor deformity in the way my left hip is positioned (nothing worth fixing, I presume) and a somewhat significantly longer left leg than right. As a result, I have been walking around for 30 years, not quite well-balanced and the muscles on the left side of my body just decided that they had had enough of doing all the work, so combined with the Relaxin hormone released in pregnancy, they "seized" up and caused extensive pain. I even heard about a possible sprain in some muscle in my lower back, though I could not even begin to explain what it was called.

So the solution to my short leg/long leg problem is a heel lift. From here on out, I will be wearing some sort of insert in my right shoe to help even me out. Of course, a specific height cannot be determined without a very exact x-ray, and due to pregnancy I cannot have said x-ray, so for the time-being we will be experimenting with a couple of heights to see which one feels better. Then, once this little troublemaker (I mean, bundle of joy) makes his or her appearance, I will go for a very detailed x-ray to determine the exact height of my "lift".

Now I am very grateful that something was found, because I have always (since being a kid) thought that I had a hip/leg that was higher/longer than the other, but I couldn't prove it. I also have quite a lot of fairly minor hip pain, particularly after doing a lot of walking. Now I have an answer as to why. The doctor also said that I might notice less upper back/neck/shoulder and headache pain as a result of evening me out. I'm all for fewer headaches and general aches and pains.

So I left the office with a spring in my off-balance step and two prescriptions for two different heights of heel lifts. However, true to my typical luck these days, I have been on a wild goose chase trying to track down where to actually fill these prescriptions. Obviously Walgreens doesn't do this. But apparently neither does the home health care place that the doctor sent me to.

I called back to the office, got the nurse, waited on hold, was hung up on while waiting for a phone number, found the phone number myself, called the new place which also didn't "do that", got another number and then was told that "yes, they would fill my prescription but I would have to make an appointment, have an exam and then get casted for this thing-a-ma-gig". Since I think I can safely assume that they will not be very willing to make two casts at two different and quite possibly random heights, I decided to call my doctor back and find out for sure where I could get this lift.

That was all before 11:30. By 11:45, the same nurse who had hung up on me assured me that she would get the message to the doctor ASAP. By the closing of the office yesterday at 4:30, no one had ever called back. Surprise, surprise. So I guess my quest will continue, quite possibly in person this time, on Monday.

And so goes the beginning of project: Balancing Christina or She's Heightening