And End and A Beginning

I haven't posted anything in a very long time.  It's embarrassing.  There....that's out of the way, now on to the very good (in my humble opinion) reason:

I graduated!  

Ok, so I already have a B.S. in music ed, but after discovering that I do not like teaching, that didn't really do me much good.  So for the last year, I've been studying to become a medical coder.  If you're like me, and have no idea what that actually is, allow to me explain very briefly.  You go to the doctor/hospital/nursing home/physical therapy/etc...  Whatever happens there is dictated into your medical record.  The medical record consists of words.  Medical coders turn those words into numbers that describe for whoever will be paying exactly what was done.  So I read the medical record, look up the code in the appropriate book and hope for the best!  Sounds easy, but I discovered that it's FAR more difficult and exacting than I ever could have imagined.

 Case in point, in the picture below, notice all the books lined up on my desk?  Those are just this year's code books.  They are updated every year, each for a specific set of codes (inpatient, outpatient, medical supplies/drugs and procedures for both inpatient and outpatient....because of course they can't just be coded the same way!)  The tiniest of details can make a huge difference in the amount that  a provider is reimbursed and thus, how much the patient has to pay.  It's a rather precise field. 

And so these days, most of my time is spent staring at the view from the picture above, studying for the national certification exam that will officially allow me to include the letters CPC (certified professional coder) after my name and qualify me for good jobs.  It's a good time, but it will be worth it (I hope!!) when I finally find a job (hopefully from home, but we'll see).  

So that's the scoop here.  Lots of work, a little fun here and there, but mostly just plugging away to accomplish a goal. 

Goal #1 Complete training course - COMPLETED

Goal #2 - Pass CPC exam - In Progress

Goal #3- Get a job - Getting there....

 

 We're still on arrival day of our Disney vacation and I thought I'd share a few more pictures of the resort and grounds.  The above picture was taken in the lobby of the Polynesian resort.  There are little Tiki people all around the resort.  There used to be a huge waterfall in the lobby (which frankly, I preferred) but the newly redecorated lobby is still very nice.

 If you look up above Mr. Tiki, you'll see all these lanterns.  There is also a second floor to this room with restaurants and gift shops and access to the monorail.

 This is the waterfall into the main pool area.  This end of the pool also has the end of the waterslide (just to the left of Larry Lifeguard).  The other end has a zero-entry which is always nice for little kids or those of us who might not want to do stairs.  It was nice to have full-time lifeguards so that parents didn't have to get in the pool if we didn't want to.

This is the beach area and to the right, the newly constructed (and highly expensive) villas.  It's a great place to get the beach experience (you can't go in the water though) and to watch the fireworks from the Magic Kingdom, which is just across the water and trees.

 Scattered all around Florida (the resorts and parks) are a ton of these little fellows.  If you're not scared of lizards, it's a fun diversion to try to spot them while standing in lines at the parks. 

Honestly, I don't remember what I was taking a picture of specifically, but this is looking out over the pool area.

And here are the kids at our first park...Epcot.  Hey, look....we found Nemo!

Ethan wanted me to take a picture of him posing in front of the fountain.  Mission accomplished!

So We Went On Vacation

 Well, I haven't been a very good blogger lately because, well, life has been busy.  But in the midst of all of that, we took some time for a family vacation.  Andrew got a nice bonus from work earlier in the year and after the rather difficult year we had last year which left us unable to do anything but go to doctor's appointments and tests and surgeries, a vacation was sorely needed.  So we packed up, drove to Indy and flew south to Florida...Disney World, to be more specific.

Since I took something like 700 pictures (don't worry, I won't subject you to nearly that many!) I'll start at the beginning of our journey...our resort.  We got to the Polynesian resort (a Disney resort) around 2:30 in the afternoon and went up to check out our room.  The first picture was Ethan discovering our hotel room.  There were two beds and then a nice fold-out bed that is pictured below.  

The picture above is from our hotel room balcony.  We were on the third floor of the Samoa house, overlooking the pool area.  The entire resort has just been remodeled in the last year and the rooms are lovely and the entire resort feels very tropical and relaxed.  The pool features a large volcano, complete with water slide and off to the left in this picture is a very nice kids splash pad area.  

If you turned to the right and looked off the balcony, this was the view.  The resort you can see across the water is Disney's Grand Floridian hotel.  It's the very top of the line, fancy-pants Disney resort where Disney weddings are held.  There is a nice little beach area and a dock where you can catch a boat to the Magic Kingdom, if you so desire.

 This is the couch/fold-out bed that was in our room.  It was pretty comfy for a fold-out.

 And because we're weird, here's a picture of the bathroom.  It was quite spacious with plenty of counter-space for 4 people. Just across from the bathroom was a little counter area with a coffee maker (totally unused) and a mini-fridge and two closets.  Overall, the rooms were really nice and tasteful, compared to what I remember from our last stay, where the tropical feel was a lot more "in your face". 

 This is one of the ponds around the resort, specifically the one you can see from the monorail station.  The resort is one of three that the Disney monorail visits, making transportation very easy.  I love all the tropical plants and waterfalls scattered all around.  It would be very easy to believe you were vacationing on a tropical island.

And here are two very excited kiddos, waiting on the monorail to arrive so that they can get to their first Disney park.  Sorry the picture is a bit blurry.  The weather was HOT and humid (even in November!!) and my camera lens always needed more time than I had to clear up the condensation when we would first leave our room for the day.  

Be sure to check back over the next week or so to see more posts from the rest of the week.  I'll try to be timely in posting them, but no promises!

Happenings

 I've been working hard on my new career path.  This is my view most days (and some nights) now.  I'm almost done with learning all about how to code ICD-9 medical codes.....and my timing, as usual, is spectacular as those codes became officially obsolete when the medical community switched to ICD-10 codes on October 1st.  Oh well, the process is the same, but the apparently there are a lot more codes and they look vastly different.  Good times!  So in a couple more weeks, I'll take my final exam on the -9 codes and then start learning the -10 stuff.  Maybe sometime next year I'll actually be employable.

I have learned a ton, but mostly, I've learned that there is SO much I still don't know.  This is HARD.  I had no clue how much detail was involved, as well as how much medical knowledge is required.  I currently want to pull my hair out, but I am hopeful that I'll get this all figured out soon.

And now, in no particular order, are some pics from the last couple of months from around here.

 I looked up from studying one afternoon this summer and there was Ethan, posing.  Right now he's very proud of this picture....I figure that this will make a great pic to show at his graduation someday....

I know this isn't a great picture, but if you look out in the grass, you'll see our new little woodland creature friend.  I haven't seen him the last few days, but he was living in the little drain pipe just to the right of where he was standing, so I would see him as I stood looking out the kitchen window while washing dishes.

 

And way back in August, (how is it mid-October by the way?) both kiddos went back to school.  Ethan started kindergarten and Emily started 5th grade.  It's been nice to have them both in the same school and on the same schedule as it allows me to get a lot of work done without having to stop and start to pick someone up.

 

Here's Ethan on his very first day of Kindergarten.  He does have other kids in his class, he was just early!

 

And speaking of school, Bella decides that she wants to ride along for pickup some days.  I guess she gets bored with just me at home, because sometimes she will just follow me out to the garage and expect to go for a ride.  

 

A couple of weekends ago, we took Emily and a friend to a local kid's museum to play.  Ethan and dad tagged along too...this looks like a boat full of trouble!

 

Recognize these crazy people?  Andrew and I are on top and Ethan and Emily are below us.  It's disturbing....

The Bible According to Ethan

Ethan is 6 years old.  He has a rather unique perspective on things.  Take for instance, our conversation while getting ready for church this morning.  We'd been talking about the upcoming football games that we were planning to watch today (the Colts and the Broncos).  We had mentioned something about Peyton Manning which began this dialogue between Ethan and me:

Ethan:  Peyton?  Didn't Peyton betray God?
Me:  Ummm...not to my knowledge.  I think you mean Judas.  Judas betrayed Jesus.

A few minutes later....

Ethan:  No, I mean didn't Peyton betray God...not Jesus? 
Me:  (It suddenly dawned on me the way his mind was working) OH!!!  I think you're thinking of
         Satan!  Yes, Satan did betray God.
Ethan:  Yep, I knew it sounded like that.

And then he came to me a week or so ago and asked, "Mom, what does 'the sign-o' mean?"  So I said, well, I don't know.  What do you mean?  To which he replied, "You know, like when you sing, 'Jesus loves me, the-sign-o'."

Ah yes....Jesus loves me, this I know!

This kid keeps us guessing....and laughing.

Challenging

I haven't been here for a while because I've been sort of busy pursuing my new field of study (see the previous post).  It's taking up most of my free time these days, but that's okay because I sort of enjoy the challenge of learning something new and interesting.

 

And then there are other challenges that haven't been quite so much fun....like having to request a new disability hangtag for my car.  The one I received last fall was only good for 6 months and was due to expire in a week, so I called up my neurosurgeon's office and requested that they sign the paperwork for a new one.  When I went in to pick it up, it no longer says "temporary".

 

"Permanent" is a lot harder to see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But on to more interesting things...I'm taking a course through an online program called CareerStep to learn medical coding and billing.  I started last month and have been working my way through the individual learning "modules" (does anyone else instantly think of Marvin the Martian and his 'space modulators' here?) one by one.  I am currently half-way through the longest one to date, Medical Terminology.  I am painstakingly reading every single word of this 1000+ page textbook (which may or may not be the only textbook to date that I will have read all the way through....sorry Mom and Dad, but I got good grades anyhow!!).  So far I've learned about the skin, the skeletal system, medical word-building (things like suffixes/prefixes/root words...in Latin mainly), muscles and joints, the nervous system, the blood and lymphatic system and the cardiovascular system.  It's a lot of words.

 

 

I just finished with the cardiovascular system and next up is the digestive system.  I've learned a lot of new words.  Words that will roll around in my brain when I'm driving along in the car or lying in bed at night as my brain tries to play with them.  Some of those words include, but aren't limited to:

~ Olecranon process (basically your elbow...who knew?)

~Rhinorrhea (a runny nose)

~Erythropoiesis  (process of red blood cell production)

~Gastrocnemius (main calf muscle)

~Onychomycosis (fungal nail infection

 

You're welcome, by the way...now maybe they can rattle around in someone else's brain for a while!

 

That Betty Davis Jones writes a pretty darn comprehensive textbook....with lots of pictures.  (Some of which I'll have to hide from inquisitive children when I get to the male and female reproductive system sections!!)

 



 

Most of my work until the terminology module has been done on the computer.  In fact, this is the only textbook I have at the moment.  However, this module requires a LOT of writing.  As in a half a college-ruled notebook of medical definitions....page after page of very interesting, very long words.

 

I kind of thought that once I graduated from college, I'd be done with (my own) homework, but life has a way of throwing curveballs, doesn't it?  Still, I find all this medical stuff fascinating (and often, frighteningly too familiar).  It's kind of sad when you don't even need to look up the condition because you've had it and experienced it in very real ways.  But it's also helpful, I suppose. 

 

And so that's what I've been up to lately.  I'll try to keep you updated more frequently, but I make no promises!!

Mid-Life Crisis

Oh people! 

Ok, so there are probably a total of about 3 people who will ever read this, but it feels right to start that way, and since this is my blog, I get to start however I want!  And this feels just perfect as I begin to describe what I'm pretty sure is my mid-life crisis.

This time last year, I was in the throes of misery from my ruptured disc that had yet to be discovered.  That misery would continue in earnest until the last day of May when the first of what would be 4 lumbar spine surgeries took place.  I thought everything was over and months-long painful ordeal would just be a distant memory by this time....but life tends to throw us curveballs...and as anyone who knows me at all could tell you, I've never been good at hitting any kind of ball, let alone a tricky one!

While nothing is set in stone yet, with each passing day and week and month and no real improvement in the function of my left ankle/foot, as I approach the 6-month mark from my spinal fusion surgery it seems more and more likely that the nerve damage is permanent and my life will be somewhat altered forever.  Not only is the nerve damage likely here to stay, but I am in all likelihood facing a lifetime of continued spinal problems as fusing the spine always puts extra stress on all the other levels above and below what was fused.  The question is less "if"  I'll need more surgery, but "when".  Knowing this, it's forced me to rethink some things...mainly what I can realistically do and what I can't.

Emily is now ten and a half and in 4th grade at a Christian school.  Ethan will be in Kindergarten at the same school next fall.  For the cost of their tuition, we could, quite literally be making payments on second house.  I've been a full-time stay-at-home-mom for most of my adult life now.  While I have a degree in Music education, I don't want to be a teacher and realistically, it would be very difficult for me to be on my feet full-time in any capacity.  So that's out....but I still need to find a way to help supplement our income.

At first, I thought that I'd give myself some time to recover from my surgeries and then I'd try to find a simple part-time job in the evenings somewhere like Target or Meijer.  But after applying and interviewing several times and places, nothing was working out.  In the back of my mind, I've toyed with the idea of finding a job in the medical field somewhere (which surprises no one more than me) but I have zero training in anything related to medicine or health care.  I also know that the vast majority of health care related jobs involve being on my feet and/or lifting, neither of which would be a good idea.  But one night, I stumbled upon a website that offered a completely online course that could be completed within a few months and had an excellent track record in graduates being hired immediately upon completing the program, sometimes even working from home. 

And so that is the story of how, just a few moments ago, I am now enrolled as an online student at the age of 36, hoping to learn a brand new career as a Certified Medical Coder.  The field is predicted to grow almost 25% in the coming years and with an entirely new set of coding guidelines being rolled out something this year, it's a very good time to get in and get started, as even experienced coders will have to relearn the system. 

All this being said, I'm slightly terrified.  I haven't intentionally studied anything school-related in MANY years now.  While I have a track-record as a very good student, to whom most things (except math and gym) came easily, that was when I was young and fresh and not half-brain-dead from two children and a medication that causes some short-term memory loss and focusing issues.  It should be interesting, to say the least.  It's also going to be a bit of a challenge for me to have to have some extra structure to my days (and likely nights).  My kids schedules are my schedule, but now I have to carve out some significant time to study and learn.  That could be interesting and it is a little (or maybe a LOT) daunting.  So if you have a few moments and could spare a few extra prayers, I'd appreciate them.  I always thought a mid-life crisis was supposed to be more fun....but this proving to be mostly terrifying!!!

A December Recap of all the Fun

 

Well, I'm just a couple of weeks behind, but here's a quick recap of our December. 

 

Emily was "Mary" in her school Christmas play.  In the picture below, she and "Joseph" were having their big scene.

 

 

Ethan had a preschool Christmas play, but I neglected to bring my "real" camera and so I don't have any good shots of him, but he was there and he looked thrilled (or not!) to be there.

And then we had Christmas.  My in-laws were gracious enough to take pity on my poor surgery-battered self and offered to come to our house on Christmas morning.  So they had to get up quite early, since they live about 2 hours away.  But the kids were thrilled to have Grandma and Pa come for presents and brunch.  Everything was very low-key, which is always nice.

 



 

The theme of Ethan's Christmas might as well have been superheroes because just about everything he got had some sort of superhero connection.  (Note the Batman pjs and Marvel superhero Infinity game.)

 



 

 

As you can see, he was quite pleased with his Batcave.

 



 

 

And then there was Emily, who at 10, is becoming a bit more challenging to buy for.  But she got her first sets of Lego Friends and was quite happy.

 

 

 

But what she wanted most of all, came in a smaller package....

 

 

Her very own "real" camera.  She was a very excited girl when she finally got to that present.

 

 

After we opened all of the gifts from the grandparents, mom and dad and Santa, we had brunch.  A yummy egg, sausage and cheese casserole, fresh fruit and homemade cinnamon rolls.  It was all pretty tasty if I do say so myself.  Of course, I didn't think it tasted so good many hours later when  massive migraine took over and I did the only "regifting" of the year.  I'm fairly certain orange juice and breakfast casserole are both dead to me.

 

After Grandma and Pa left, we started in on round two of Christmas with the gifts from my side of the family.  Emily got lots of clothes like the sweater above and some gift cards since she is now a big shopper. 

 

Ethan got more superhero stuff, some of which has already been pictured since my pictures were a bit out of order.

 



 

Ethan got a star wars t-shirt, ninja turtle pjs, a ninja turtle stuffed animal that he'd been eyeing for a long time and some more ninja turtle toys. 

 

 



 

Other than a couple of clothing items, this might have been his only non-superhero gift, and it was a real-life hero policeman costume, which I am convinced he wanted solely for the handcuffs that came with it.  He took great pleasure in cuffing his big sister and mom and dad and giving us all tickets (since he now knows what that is thanks to my first ever encounter with being given a ticket for an expired license plate...see my previous post!)

 

 

 



 

More superhero toys...this time we're back to Batman, but notice he's changed into his Ninja Turtle pjs....he had to try them all out!

 

 



 

After a while, we opened stockings.  I think he liked his!

 

All in all, we had a very peaceful and stress-free Christmas.  We missed the rest of our families who were either down and out with the flu or too far away to come, but it was nice to just be able to stay put and not have to be exposed to all sorts of germs right before my most recent surgery.  Hopefully by this time next Christmas I'll be telling more interesting stories and not be blogging like 84 year old "Maude" about all my health problems.  It's been a year, people!!



Surgery #4 is Done

The fourth surgery of the year (since May 30th, if we're being technical here) is behind me....literally and figuratively, I do believe.  I had the hardware that had been installed 3 months before on the left side of my vertebrae removed along with a bone fragment.  The surgeon (who has done all of my surgeries) said the nerve was still really red and irritated so he thinks something was probably still rubbing against it, but he didn't actually see anything at the time of surgery.  That being said, there is nothing left to impinge that area of the nerve any more, which is good. 

He also told us that I was healing really well and that when he removed the screws there was no movement, so the fusing is apparently going well.  All good things. 

I did not, however, wake up miraculously healed with a fully functioning foot.  It's probably still a bit too soon to say that there was no improvement, but thus far, there hasn't been any change.  My back hurts and feels like it's been through a war (which it has this year).  Percoset is my friend and I discovered that miscounting how many hours it had been since my last dose (erring on the long end) does not feel good.  I also have external stitches for the first time since apparently super-glue doesn't always work as well the second time in the same spot. 

I go back on the 13th for my first follow-up appointment.  The surgeon told me we'd know by then if the surgery was going to fix my foot or if it still needed time.  He also said that in three months, if there was no improvement in my foot, that is was likely going to be permanent.  I haven't completely given up on healing, but I'm realistic.  The surgeon told Andrew and I both that he would feel better about my chances if the issues I was having went down my entire left leg.  That would be a more normal presentation.  However, with it only causing problems with my foot, there's a higher likelihood that this is permanent. 

It's a tough pill to swallow at times, but it's also not the worst thing in the world.  Frustrating, to be certain, but things could be so much worse and I am reminded of that quite often.  It's hard though.  It's humbling to be the only mom who walks into the preschool with a cane.  All the other moms are in their fancy clothes or yoga gear and while I might be in yoga pants, it's because I'm headed to physical therapy.  Of course, all the kids in Ethan's preschool class instantly recognize "Ethan's mom".  It's frustrating when "Maude" (the cane) falls over approximately 76 times a day and I have to slowly squat down to get it (because I'm not supposed to bend).   It makes the possibility of looking for a part-time job quite a bit more daunting as well (something I was actively doing before this whole ordeal began). 

But I know that if this is my future, it will be ok.  I still have my family and friends.  I've had people praying for me for nearly a year now and that's something sweet and humbling and wonderful as well.  I've learned just how disabled-unfriendly the world is, despite all the "handicapped accessibility".  I've learned to detest the electric carts, and in particular the back-up beeping sound.  I've learned that people can be very loving and understanding or completely lacking in compassion and couth.  I've learned a lot about myself .  And I'm pretty sure that the learning experience is far from over.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Pray for healing from the surgeries.  Pray for healing of my nerves.  Pray for improved function of my left foot/leg.  Pray for encouragement.  I try to be a "glass half full" kind of person and most of the time I succeed, but Satan creeps in from time to time and starts throwing doubts and frustrations my way and it helps to have an army fighting along side me with prayer.  Pray for my family as they adjust to a new normal.  It's not easy for any of us, but we're doing the best we can.  Thanks for listening.  Sometimes I just need to write things out so that I can get it off my chest.

Life Is Full of Surprises

Life is full of surprises....it's just that most of mine this year haven't been good. 

I started off last week with my first ever experience of being pulled over by a police officer.  It was still dark outside, about 7:45 am, Monday morning.  I was trying my best to get both kids to two different schools on time and myself to physical therapy.  I had just turned onto a road after stopping at the stoplight when the flashing red and blue lights blinded me in my rearview mirror.  Since the police car was directly behind me, I immediately pulled over, hoping in vain that he was just in a hurry to get somewhere else.  Alas, he was not.  Both kids got silent in the backseat and I rolled down my window to accept my shame and reproach with as much dignity as possible, all the while hoping that the officer would be merciful and fast because....well, we were going to be late to school!

It turns out that I wasn't pulled over for speeding.  I got pulled over for having an expired license plate registration.  In other words, I didn't have the right color sticker on my license plate.  And apparently I hadn't had the right color since it expired in May.  Oops!  Of course, I had a few other things going on this May (like the almost complete inability to move without searing pain), followed by spine surgery.  But that didn't matter.  I suppose the officer didn't really have much choice in the matter and he wrote me the $143 ticket and sent me on my way.  

We got to Emily's school 6 minutes late.  She had to sign in to explain why she was late.  I told her to tell the office that my alarm didn't go off (it didn't) rather than have her try to explain the whole expired registration thing.  Turns out, she went with the much more dramatic explanation on the sign in list that everyone sees.....Reason for being late  "Police". 

I spent the rest of the day attempting to correct my registration mistake (did you know that in my county, NONE....not one, of the license branches are open on Mondays?...Yeah, neither did I.)  I had to drive 40 minutes (each way) out of my way to get current and then drop off the registration for Andrew's car, since it too was expired, then go pick up Emily from school again.  It wasn't my finest day.

Tuesday wasn't much better, but nothing worth writing about, just boring annoyances that I didn't need. 

And then came Wednesday.  I had a follow-up appointment with my neurosurgeon.  He wanted to check on my continuing symptoms and see if anything else needed to be addressed before the end of the year (and our insurance deductible resets).  Back in November when we met for the same reason, he was pretty sure that everything was going to be fine.  So imagine my surprise when he walked in the room, shook my hand, looked at my cane (because my foot is still mostly not functioning) and said, "We need to talk about removing the screw and bone fragment on the left side."  I wasn't exactly expecting that. 

So to sum up a very long explanation, he gave me the option of going back into surgery (outpatient), opening up the left incision, removing the screws on that side and fishing out a bone fragment that he is suspicious of causing some (or all) of my continuing concerning symptoms.  He said we could do this before the end of the year, in 5 or 6 months (if things hadn't improved) or not at all.  But he gave me somewhat higher than 50% odds that this might improve my symptoms.  Of course, it might also be another surgery with absolutely no positive outcome and more recovery.  Or it might be that the nerve needs more time to heal and only time will accomplish that....or, the nerve might simply be too damaged to heal and this is my new reality.  I told him I was going to need to think about it before I could give him an answer.

After much thought and debate and prayer and discussion, I decided to go for the FOURTH spine surgery in a 6 month period.  Ridiculous, I know, but in the end I decided that I didn't really have a lot to lose by having the surgery (although it may somewhat weaken the healing fusion, but the surgeon seems to think it shouldn't), but I could potentially regain all or most of my foot function (and lose the old lady cane!).  I had to take the chance because I am not enjoying this whole "disabled" thing one.little.bit. 

And so, if you think of it and can spare a few moments over this Christmas/New Year's season, say a prayer for me on Monday, December 29th around 11am.  I should be back home the same day and the surgery should be a piece of cake compared to the last one, but the odds haven't really been in my favor lately, so I'll accept any prayers you can send my way!!  And in case I'm not around for a bit....Merry Christmas!

An Update

Well, it's now been nearly 2 months (or 8 week on Thursday, to be exact) since my fusion surgery.  As far as I can tell, all the screws and rods are still where they should be and my incisions have healed very nicely.  So other than looking like Wolverine got to me (with my three nearly identical racing stripes), the carnage isn't too bad. 

I have been in physical therapy twice a week for about a month now and have seen some improvement in the strength in my left leg.  I am still walking with a cane for the foreseeable future and I have a temporary disability (read: handicapped) parking tag until April.  Thankfully, that should cut down the walking I have to do in all this treacherous snow and ice with which we have been blessed in mid-November!  I can now walk up the stairs one foot/leg at a time, as opposed to having to have both feet on each step before moving on....baby steps, but progress.  I've been practicing balancing on my left leg for 30 second at a time without holding on to anything.  I'm getting there.  I've been riding a stationary bike and have improved from riding 1.3 miles the first time to 2 miles by the third time (in the same 10 minute session...how pathetic is that?  People RUN faster than that!!)  However, the people who run don't have to have their left foot strapped down to the bike pedal as firmly as it will go so that it will stay on the pedal and not fall off.  Because that's my reality right now. 

As much progress as my left leg is making, my left foot is not.  I still cannot bend my toes down on that side, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but I cannot wiggle my toes into a pair of flip-flops to get them on, for example.  I can't raise up onto my toes at all on that foot.  When the therapist asks me to stand on my tip toes, the right side cooperates just fine, but it looks like I'm not even trying when I attempt to stand on my tip toes on the left...which is an interesting thing...to be trying your hardest to make a body part do something it's always been able to do....and watch it completely not respond.  If someone presses down on my big toe and tells me not to let them press down....it just flops down.  That foot is almost useless, but not quite, thankfully.

I have cut WAY down on meds and done some switching, since my left foot that won't cooperate does still have some major nerve pain.  I was taking the highest dose of Gabapentin (3600mg/day, from the 300mg/day that I started with) but now I have switched (after a fight with insurance) to Lyrica.   For a while, I was taking both as I weaned off of one and built up the other, and that was causing interesting memory issues.  But after some tweaking, I feel like the Lyrica is working better for my nerve pain.  I don't really have the horrid sunburned feeling and I no longer have to cringe and shield my foot if anyone or anything comes within 3 feet of it.  I still have some breakthrough pain that the Lyrica just doesn't help and the occasional sensation of an ice pick stabbing various parts of my foot and toes, but thankfully, that's more rare.  Still, even without the pain, there is a constant feeling that my foot isn't right and it sort of numb, but not quite....sort of swollen, but not really.  Fun stuff.

I officially hate my cane, which we've affectionately dubbed "Maude".  "Maude" falls down or gets knocked over at least 20 times a day, which is oh-so-helpful when I'm not supposed to bend.  The kids refer to "Maude" all the time and bless his heart, Ethan prays each and every day for "mom not to have to have any more surgeries and for her leg not to hurt and for her not to need the cane anymore to walk".  It's sweet and breaks my heart all at the same time, because I just don't know what the future holds regarding the use of my left foot.  It is possible that this will be a long, but temporary thing....or it's possible that the nerve was damaged too much and as it affects that foot, will ultimately be permanent.  No one knows and only (a long) time will tell.  Nerves are apparently the slowest part of the body to heal.

I saw the neurosurgeon again today and he commented once again on the fact that I have some decent amount of scoliosis (something we never knew until after this last surgery) which will likely make more surgery necessary in the future (hopefully at least 10-20 years down the line).  Not really what I wanted to hear, but ultimately completely out of my control.  I just hope that by then, surgical techniques and advances can be made to make things simpler next time.

In other news, Ethan is now 5 and loving his preschool class and teachers...making lots of friends, playing hard and basically coming out of his little shell in full force.  He's also showing some signs of ADHD (not so much hyperactivity, but lack of focus...just like his big sister).  His teachers love him and have been a great help to me while I have been somewhat incapacitated both physically and mentally because of all the medicine I was taking at first. 

Emily turned 10 in September and has been staying busy in 4th grade (how did this happen?)  She is currently working on an insect project that required researching 10 bugs and making a big poster and report.  I didn't think I'd survive the research/report part.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to survive her teen years.  She's also preparing to play the part of Mary in her school Christmas play.  Drama is her thing and so this is right up her alley.

Andrew got promoted at work a few weeks ago and is now Vice President of the Trust Department and Trust Counsel.  He has lots of titles and letters after his name....I can no longer keep up!  We are all proud of him!

So that's us in a nutshell.  We're definitely all nuts, but hopefully headed in the right direction!

Cuteness Ahead and Help Needed

I think it's time for a break from the 35 year-old-going-on-85 medical drama and time for a little happiness and extreme cuteness.

But before that, the background:  Andrew and I have had two cats since shortly after we were married. The older cat, Puma, was around 14.5 years old this year and the younger cat Bob, was about 13.5.  Both cats lived nice long lives and lived luxuriously on soft couches and warm soft beds, but this year was a tough one for both of them.  Bob, who had had health problems all throughout her life got worse around Christmas and in January it became evident that none of us could continue living like that (trust me, you don't want all the details!). And so in late January, I took her to the vet and had her put to sleep.  I nearly killed me.  I sobbed like a baby and was somewhat weepy for several days later.  I knew it was the right decision, but it was still incredibly hard as she was absolutely the sweetest cat I'd ever had.

Fast forward to a couple of week ago...and the time had very obviously come for Puma to be put to sleep.  She had been struggling with thyroid disease for a couple of years and had lost at least half her body weight.  She was horribly anxious and literally starving all the time despite feeding her extra.  We couldn't keep watching her waste away and she wouldn't take the medicine and we weren't going to do surgery at her age, so I took her to the vet and had her put to sleep.  I was a mess yet again as we'd been together for a long time.

Last summer, we decided to get Emily a kitten since we knew both of our cats wouldn't last forever.  He is a black and white tuxedo cat that we named Zippy.  He's been through a lot with Emily.  I'm not sure he'd agree that he has been better off....but she's finally starting to learn that maybe you can give a little too much love and smother a cat!!

Zippy is not a cuddler.  He is very independent and prefers not to be held or touched at all most of the time.  I miss Bob, who was on your lap if you were sitting or was happy just to lay upside down next to a warm body (usually mine).  So after we put Puma to sleep, I went on the hunt for a cuddly kitten.  It couldn't be just any cat because I wanted a baby and I wanted to make sure that it loved to be a lap cat.  And I found a prospective kitten about an hour away at a shelter in Michigan.  Actually, I found several there and I went to look at a completely different one initially, but then I saw him....my kitten.  I had seen his profile online and he looked beautiful, but it said that he had a broken leg and would always have a limp....and well, I just wasn't sure about that.

But then I met "Robin".  He was so very sweet and affectionate and his leg didn't seem to bother him at all.  He has the softest orange fur I have ever felt and he loves to be petted.  And he had to be mine.

So I put in my application and discovered that he would need to either be crated for four more days (to allow his broken leg to completely heal) or that I could come back in four days and get him then.  As luck would have it, this turned out to be the same day that I realized that I had definitely reherniated my disc for the third time, and so I opted to come back and get him, since I was in pain and I didn't want to take him home in a crate.

Long story short, we ended up getting him the following Saturday, and ever since, "Robin" has been the newest member of our family.  However, we still cannot agree on a name....we have tossed around hundreds, so maybe if I add some pictures, someone will have a great idea.  Here's our newest family member:

 

Here's the little guy, all curled up next to me on the couch.  This makes him look kind of a buff color, but he is much more vibrant orange...and long-haired, in case you can't tell.

 

 

This is closer to the right color.  And here is his favorite perch.  Apparently I need to pay more attention to him and less to the computer!

 



 

 

All sacked out next to me.  Wish I could get that comfy!!

 

 

 

 

This was after an epic cat fight between Zippy and "he who has no name".  They both were fighting over the coveted rocker in the sun.  After a good 10 minute battle, they agreed to share...grudgingly.

As you might be able to tell, Zippy is much larger than the new kitten and outweighs him by at least 8 lbs. or so.  But the little guy is plucky, despite his gimpy leg.

 

 

And while I am aware that this picture is not very good of me, I wanted to show you how he and I can usually be found.  I haven't been sleeping well and I was back on the couch early this morning.  The little fellow likes to lay on the pillow next to me.  Actually, he'd prefer to be my scarf or lay on my face, but I've been encouraging him to let me breathe! 

So, I know that there is a good name for him just on the tip of my tongue, but I can't decide.  Any ideas?

My Racing Stripes

Warning:  Surgical aftermath ahead!!

 

I'll write my post first and then if you choose not to see my new racing stripes, you don't have to.  (It's not that horrible....just some incisions closed with super-glue, but if you have a weak stomach, at least you've been forewarned!)

 

First off, thanks for the prayers after my last couple of posts.  It's been a rough few days with lots of fears and anxiety and pain.  I'm still not pain-free by any stretch, but I'm trying to just keep going and look for even small improvements.  I was able to sleep pretty well last night, so that seems like progress.

 

My left leg is still not very strong.  I can use it, but it doesn't like to cooperate fully and when pairing that with a very painful left foot, it's hard to walk well.  I can hobble around without the walker since I know my leg will hold me, but it's slow going for me, which I hate.  I need to get out somewhere and actually log some distance, but I'm not sure where.  A family outing to Walmart while mom walks behind her walker up and down the aisles just doesn't seem all the fun to me.  Then again, I haven't left the house (other than the hospital) since last Tuesday, so I'm getting a bit stir-crazy.  You can only make so many laps with the walker from the couch to the kitchen and back again before extreme boredom sets in.

 

And now I thought I'd post (mostly for my own records) how my surgical incision looks about 4 days-post minimally invasive TLIF surgery.  (I'm also posting this for anyone who, like me a few days/weeks ago, was searching for just how bad this surgery might be.  It was so helpful to find a few personal accounts on blogs and such that detailed exactly what the surgery and recovery were like.)

 

So without further ado (and with adequate warning!!), my new racing stripes:  The middle scar represents the first two surgeries (microdiscectomies) and the two ugly incisions are the new ones from 4 days prior to this picture.  They are super-glued together and are longer than the previous ones but should heal about as well once all the glue works itself off.

 

 

 

Struggling

I'm sitting here tonight at 12:56 am.  Or I guess I should say I'm sitting here this morning.  I'm waiting for 1:15 to come so that I can take some more medicine that will only marginally take the edge off of the worst of the pain.  I want to go to sleep.  I want to stretch out in my own bed and sleep all night long without waking up.  I don't remember the last time that happened.  Right now, I just want to sleep and forget about everything for a long while because I'm tired of all the pain and even more exhausted from the worry. 

I'm struggling to be patient.  I know...it's only been a few days since surgery and I'd be crazy to think that I'd be bouncing back and feeling great.  I didn't expect that at all.  I expected to have pain and have it for a while...I guess I just hoped that I wouldn't have quite this much or that it would be some different pain than before (as in, no more horrific burning nerve pain in my left foot.)  Except that I still have that same pain, plus weird numbness and swelling and this is despite the surgery and all the meds that I'm maxed out on.  I can't take a higher dose of the nerve medication....and that terrifies me because it isn't working enough.

I'm worried.  I'm trying not to be, but in the middle of the night, when it's just me and HGTV stuck in the living room, awake when I don't want to be again, I can't stop my mind from going there.  To a place where the surgery doesn't work.  Where the bones don't fuse or something goes wrong before they have a chance to, or I accidentally bend or twist and break something or herniate a different disc and have to go through all this again.  Because right now, that all terrifies me and I don't really think anyone else gets it.  There, I said it...I'm scared and I feel really alone.  I'm usually able to be tough and push past this sort of stuff, but in the middle of the night...I'm just scared and alone.  I know God hears my prayers and the thoughts I can't even bear to express.  I know there are people all over who are praying for me and I truly appreciate it in ways I can't express.  But sometimes I just wish I didn't have to be awake or think for a while because I need the break from my own mind. 

I know almost no one reads this anymore, and that's ok....it was never written to be popular, just to be a record for me.  I just need to get this out somewhere because I'm so tired and scared.  But if you (whoever you may be) happen to read this and feel like praying for me...please do.  I could use a little extra strength for a while.  Maybe for a long while.

Back Home - This Will Be Long

Well, it's been an adventure.  I apologize in advance if whatever I type doesn't make sense or has lots of typos.  I'm on A LOT of medicines. 

I was admitted to the ortho unit of the hospital on Tuesday evening.  I spent the night with a lovely I.V. port hooked up to nothing....just waiting.  The hospital bed was supposed to be all high-tech, but let me just say this for the record: it was horrid.  It was an airbed, which I am not opposed to in general.  However this airbed kept inflating and deflating periodically (which I'm told it was supposed to do) and was too soft and lumpy and generally awful.  I most definitely would have preferred even the hard ER beds because they would have been more comfortable.  On top of that, it was adjustable, like all hospital beds, except that I would adjust it to sit upright, and then about a half-hour or so later I'd realize that I was laying down again.  It would ever-so-gradually start reclining on it's own, which it was not supposed to do.  I mentioned it to several nurses and I think they fixed it while I was in surgery because it seemed to behave better afterward.

I went into the pre-surgery staging room and met with the surgeon, the nurse and the anesthesiologist.  I asked the anesthesiologist if she could please be careful intubating me since the last two times, I've had chunks taken out of my lower palate that have taken a great deal of time to heal.  I know she wasn't involved in either of those times, but I figured I didn't need one more part of my body to hurt.  As it turns out, I didn't even have a sore throat with this intubation, so she must have been good.  I got something in my I.V. to relax me (Versed, I think) and that's all she wrote until I woke up in recovery. 

I could obviously tell I'd been through surgery as my back was ouchy, but overall, my pain was decently managed and I thankfully have not struggled with nausea from the anesthesia, so after a bit I was taken back to my room.  Apparently the surgery took quite a bit longer than anticipated due to the fact that things looked a lot worse than the MRI indicated.  I had once again ruptured a massive chunk of disc which had managed to wedge itself pretty securely against/into my sciatic nerve and was a bit tricky to dislodge.  Then when the surgeon went in to remove some sort of joint (a facet joint, I think), he could immediately see that that had been the problem all along.  He said it was moving back at forth just barely touching it (which is shouldn't) and that when he removed it, it literally just disintegrated from massive arthritis.  Lovely, huh?  He told me later that if he had known how bad that joint was, he never would have done the second surgery back in August because he would have known it wouldn't have worked.  So it seems that there really truly was no other option but to fuse me and screw me back together.  He removed the entire disc, replaced it with a plastic spacer filled with my bone material and something else to help it grow (Miracle Grow, perhaps?) and screwed everything in place, then stitched me up internally on both sides and super-glued me back together.  I now have three lovely racing stripes running vertically across my very low back.  The middle one is healed and just a little over an inch and a half.  It represents the first two surgeries.  The other two are currently very angry looking and are at least two inches long on either side of the original scars.   I'm really, really swollen and ouchy back there and on Percoset for the incision/surgery pain.  However, the Percoset wears off about an hour before I can take more and so that last hour waiting for the clock to tick by is pretty rough.

The first night after surgery, I was in some pain and it wasn't time for more meds.  My I.V. had been removed earlier due to some issue with it (which is fine by me, I hate the things in my arm) and the only other meds they could give me would have been morphine through another I.V. site.  I declined.  I tried to get comfy in my bed, but that proved to be impossible and while trying to adjust the bed, the nurse call button/remote thing fell onto the floor.  I really, really needed to change positions and sit up or get up out of bed, but the bed rails were up on both sides of the bed and I couldn't get them down, nor could I call for help, so I spent a miserable couple of hours, in tears, hoping someone would come and check on me or check my vitals or whatever so that I could move.  Eventually someone did come in and got my call button back and helped me get out of bed and into the chair next to it.  It wasn't much better and I was still hurting a lot, but at least I could get a hold of the nurses again.  Talk about feeling like you have no control....it was scary.

I have had to humiliate myself and use the commode in the room (rather than the regular toilet) because it is taller and I can't bend or twist at all.  I much prefer my privacy, but my urine output had to be measured as well, so I just gave up and used the darn thing. 

I didn't get much sleep at all either night in the hospital and I am just exhausted.  I've been moving around as much as I can, and I passed my PT and OT exams with flying colors (walking actually doesn't hurt much and feels good to stretch, but I have to use a walker as my left leg just doesn't feel strong.  So at 35, I'm getting around my house with a walker.  Not exactly what I expected, but it's definitely necessary for now. 

I am getting better sleep at home, though still on the couch and still not in very long stretches.  I am having to set my alarm for every 4 hours so that I can take my Percoset and it is hard to catch up to the pain.  I'm also taking a muscle relaxer (which they forgot to give me at all the first night after surgery - lovely), gabapentin for nerve pain in my foot, which has come roaring back due to the horrendous amount of inflammation on my nerve, steroids to address said inflammation, stool softener because all the other meds have a huge tendency to constipate and all my normal meds.  I have to keep a list of when I took my meds last because I'm a little loopy and sometimes I forget if I already took it or not.  I don't need an overdose of anything!

I called the surgeon's office this morning and told them about the Percoset wearing off too soon and they are going to up that dose a little bit to see if it will help.  They are also upping the dose of nerve meds to the max to see if it will help with the nerve pain in my foot.  I may not make any sense at all once all that gets in my system, so I thought I'd update now while I still feel like I am mostly with it.

All in all, I can't say I'd recommend this surgery as a fun procedure.  It's definitely a bigger deal than the first two and it's going to be a long process to heal, not to mention that we still need the bone to start growing together, which will take several months.  So prayers would be greatly appreciated for quick and strong bone growth, healing and relief from surgical and nerve pain and strength to return in my left leg soon.

Surgery Tomorrow!

Well, I know I haven't updated in a week or so, and I'm pressed for time now, but here's the scoop:

~Once again, I did indeed herniate a large portion of the same disc for a third time
~As a result, I will require a minimally invasive lumbar fusion known as TLIF, or Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion, of the L5/S1 vertebrae. 
~The offending disc will be completely removed (YAY...can't rupture any more ever) and replaced with a plastic spacer that will be filled with my bone fragments.  Then I'll have two rods placed to shore up the vertebrae and 4 screws to hold it all in place.  (Sounds like a good time, huh?)
~The entire surgery will last about an hour and a half and will require two, two-inch incisions on either side of my very low spine (which should make a lucky three across).  Once again, I'll be stitched from the inside and then super-glued back together. 
~I will be admitted to the hospital in about an hour from now (6pm-ish on Tuesday evening) and the surgery will take place Wednesday around 1 pm.  
~I will stay in the hospital for at least 24 hours, possibly two nights depending on how I'm doing.

So there you have it.  I would greatly and forever appreciate any and all prayers over the next few days for both a safe and successful surgery as well as a relatively easy and pain-free recovery (because goodness knows I've endured my fair share of pain over this last year!)

I'll update when I can....hopefully when I'm crutch-free!!

Deja Vu All Over Again

I can't really believe I have to even write this again.  Yet somehow, I'm not all that surprised either.  Long story short, I need lots and lots of prayers because all signs indicate that I have herniated a disc (likely the same one) for a THIRD time. 

I've been having nerve pain in my left foot, but not the kind that was debilitating like before...this was, I assume, pain from the nerves regenerating and healing.  I've been taking another steroid pack and just upped my nerve pain meds since the pain in my foot is causing me to be unable to sleep.  So, last night like many other recent ones, I slept (sort of, but not really) on the couch in the recliner portion. 

I woke up this morning pretty stiff and my low back hurt quite a bit, but as back pain really was never my problem, I didn't worry about it.  I took Emily to school, came back home and took a nice hot shower and got ready for the day and then Ethan and I went out running some errands for a while.  Around 1:00, I noticed that my leg was hurting suddenly and that it was making it bad enough that I didn't want to stand for more than a couple minutes.  I think I knew right then that it was all over. 

I drove to Em's school, picked her up and came home.  I could barely make it in the door from the car.  I can't really put any weight on my left leg because it shoots horrible pain up into my tailbone/low back.  The nerve pain isn't fun, but it's the pain going up this time that is unbearable.  

I have talked with the neurosurgeon's office and I will be doing a third MRI on Friday, unless (and I hope and pray it does) someone cancels before that.  I don't really expect anything other than another large herniation and that will almost certainly result in a more complex surgery....likely a fusion of the L5/S1 vertebrae.  This is a much bigger surgery with a rather long-term recovery period.  From what I understand, it can easily take 3-6 months or longer for the bones to fuse together.  Sometimes it takes much longer.  I should be able to resume life long before then, but I will have to be extraordinarily careful.  I may also acquire some medical-grade hardware in the process.   (I'll never fly again without a full-body frisking probably.)

So I'd greatly appreciate prayers from anyone who reads this.  I'm in a lot of pain and I'm exhausted and I've been in pain for most of this year.  I'm ready to be completely done.