Surgery #4 is Done

The fourth surgery of the year (since May 30th, if we're being technical here) is behind me....literally and figuratively, I do believe.  I had the hardware that had been installed 3 months before on the left side of my vertebrae removed along with a bone fragment.  The surgeon (who has done all of my surgeries) said the nerve was still really red and irritated so he thinks something was probably still rubbing against it, but he didn't actually see anything at the time of surgery.  That being said, there is nothing left to impinge that area of the nerve any more, which is good. 

He also told us that I was healing really well and that when he removed the screws there was no movement, so the fusing is apparently going well.  All good things. 

I did not, however, wake up miraculously healed with a fully functioning foot.  It's probably still a bit too soon to say that there was no improvement, but thus far, there hasn't been any change.  My back hurts and feels like it's been through a war (which it has this year).  Percoset is my friend and I discovered that miscounting how many hours it had been since my last dose (erring on the long end) does not feel good.  I also have external stitches for the first time since apparently super-glue doesn't always work as well the second time in the same spot. 

I go back on the 13th for my first follow-up appointment.  The surgeon told me we'd know by then if the surgery was going to fix my foot or if it still needed time.  He also said that in three months, if there was no improvement in my foot, that is was likely going to be permanent.  I haven't completely given up on healing, but I'm realistic.  The surgeon told Andrew and I both that he would feel better about my chances if the issues I was having went down my entire left leg.  That would be a more normal presentation.  However, with it only causing problems with my foot, there's a higher likelihood that this is permanent. 

It's a tough pill to swallow at times, but it's also not the worst thing in the world.  Frustrating, to be certain, but things could be so much worse and I am reminded of that quite often.  It's hard though.  It's humbling to be the only mom who walks into the preschool with a cane.  All the other moms are in their fancy clothes or yoga gear and while I might be in yoga pants, it's because I'm headed to physical therapy.  Of course, all the kids in Ethan's preschool class instantly recognize "Ethan's mom".  It's frustrating when "Maude" (the cane) falls over approximately 76 times a day and I have to slowly squat down to get it (because I'm not supposed to bend).   It makes the possibility of looking for a part-time job quite a bit more daunting as well (something I was actively doing before this whole ordeal began). 

But I know that if this is my future, it will be ok.  I still have my family and friends.  I've had people praying for me for nearly a year now and that's something sweet and humbling and wonderful as well.  I've learned just how disabled-unfriendly the world is, despite all the "handicapped accessibility".  I've learned to detest the electric carts, and in particular the back-up beeping sound.  I've learned that people can be very loving and understanding or completely lacking in compassion and couth.  I've learned a lot about myself .  And I'm pretty sure that the learning experience is far from over.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Pray for healing from the surgeries.  Pray for healing of my nerves.  Pray for improved function of my left foot/leg.  Pray for encouragement.  I try to be a "glass half full" kind of person and most of the time I succeed, but Satan creeps in from time to time and starts throwing doubts and frustrations my way and it helps to have an army fighting along side me with prayer.  Pray for my family as they adjust to a new normal.  It's not easy for any of us, but we're doing the best we can.  Thanks for listening.  Sometimes I just need to write things out so that I can get it off my chest.