Getting Some Perspective

Well, I had hoped that my birthday would bring better news for the country, but it wasn't to be. I had intended to post this much earlier today, but that also, did not happen. Oh well, sometimes life is like that.

I sort of feel like the Pollyanna in me has been kicked around like a football lately. It's hard to feel optimistic when one thing after the other piles up. Honestly, it's not much fun, and it's not a feeling with which I am accustomed.

I've always considered myself a glass-half-full kind of gal. I still am. I know this, but lately I've been feeling like a glass-empty kind of person. Yesterday's election results are not helping. Emily's clingy, nothing-and-no-one-can-make-me-happy kind of day has not helped. The fact that I'm a year older doesn't particularly bother me, but considering that I am in the absolute worst shape of my life, with a new haircut I'm still unsure about, the desperate need to exercise but no energy with which to mount that effort (plus, at this point, it may pose more health risks...okay, I know that's not true, but still...) and everything about me needs a make-over makes me feel a little less than optimistic.

Then again, tomorrow has to be better...right?

But this is not really a poor-pitiful-me post, despite how it sounds. I'm down right now, in a lower place than I prefer. I hope I am steadily climbing my way back up. I'm trying to gain some better perspective. I'm finding that it's tough to see things in the proper perspective when I'm too close, though. Maybe I just have to keep plugging away, enduring life's little down time (and it is truly little) until I can look back, from a good distance and see things in the right perspective. So for the time being, that is my focus. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, and so on. The Pollyanna in me will resurface. I hope it's soon, but for now, she's a little tired.

I suspect however, that this is how God gets my attention. I'm sure He's trying to teach me yet another lesson in love or patience or maybe simply endurance. I don't know what that lesson is yet, but I must be quite the slow learner. This one's taking me quite a while to grasp. I do know that once again, my own troubles have been put into perspective a little bit though. I stumbled across the blogs of some old college friends and acquaintances. It was a small Christian college and several of those people probably wouldn't remember or know me, but I knew them a little. It's been fun to sort of catch myself up on their lives. We're all married, most with kids and jobs and blogs about our kids and spouses and jobs.

I've been struck though, by how many of those acquaintances have endured some pretty tough times. One couple lost their 3-month old in a home accident last year. Their blog has been really, really tough to read as a mom, but also incredibly inspiring. Another couple has lost 3 pregnancies and are still trying. Yet another couple had triplets that were born very prematurely. They lost one just hours after birth and the other two are still in the hospital (seperate ones until today) and have had one ordeal after the other. Again, the faith these families have shown has been inspiring.

These stories have made me realize that my struggles could be much worse, but they've also caused me to consider that Satan works really hard to bring down Christians. He throws his best (or worst) at us and hopes that it will tear us down. God allows it, just as He did with Job. Sometimes, I wonder what God thinks as He looks at me. Is He testing me to see how I will respond? Is He frustrated with me for not having enough faith? Is He working in me to strengthen me? I don't have all the answers, but I know the One who does and that is what will guide me through. And that is enough for now. And that is enough to give me hope once again.